Fear of a Name
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week! This is an awesome opportunity for the community of people - the #1in8 couples - facing the hardships and heartache of infertility to band together as we shine a light on a tough topic.
For today, I just want to say that I will not be scared of infertility.
Infertility is a medical diagnosis. It means something is not working the way it should and some changes or medical intervention may be required to help. Sounds a lot like any other medical diagnosis, huh?
Infertility is just a word. It’s simply the word to describe not conceiving after one year of trying. That might seem fast, but it’s a substantial amount of time considering most couples who are able to get pregnant naturally will do so within the first three cycles. It’s only a word, a description that carries relevant information to people who might help you. And no, I’m not crazy about it. I’m sure most people with a medical diagnosis aren’t too crazy about their word. But calling it by its name doesn’t mean it’s who I am.
It’s not a label. It’s not a tattoo on my forehead. It’s not a red letter on my chest. (Even though I’ll admit that it felt that way for quite some time after our diagnosis.) Using the word does not mean that I’m allowing it to define me.
There have been times I’ve been encouraged to use a different word, pick other terminology. I know that those people meant well, but I also think they were trying to make themselves more comfortable. Probably without knowing how uncomfortable they were making me. The white hot shame of my diagnosis - the very word - being somehow defeatist made me feel like my struggle had been ripped of its validity.
But to me, infertility has come to mean so much more than a diagnosis. It has become a source of connection and comfort. Infertility Warriors have claimed the word so that we can find each other, so that we aren’t alone. It’s a way feel seen by someone else who gets it. None of us wanted to claim this word, but we’ve used it to reach out and form an amazing community. We won’t let this word have power over us. Like Hermione says, “fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.” I don’t need to create more fear around this word. And the best part is, it’s terminology that can change! It doesn’t have to be permanent. It just means you might need some help. And infertility has certainly taught me that it’s always okay to ask for help.
I will not be afraid or ashamed of this word. It isn’t who I am. It’s an answer to a question we kept asking, it’s an “aha!” that means move ahead on the game board, it’s being able to genuinely tell another person you know how they feel and you see them. It’s just a piece of my story. And this story isn’t over yet.
